no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
