Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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