My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
