I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
