Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
