I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
