My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
