I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
