fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
