Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
