he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
