you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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