I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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