Do you still have your period?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
