ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
