Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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