Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
