Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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