I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
