She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Randomize
