chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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