i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
