I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it glows. i had to have it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
