So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pants are for mortals
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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