Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
