Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
