I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
