Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
