Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
