I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize