I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize