The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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