positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
