This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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