I'm so fucking centered right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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