I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
