Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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