I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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