Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
where does the pee come out of this thing
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
