Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
