I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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