I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
