How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
