Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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