Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
