I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
