i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
