She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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