we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
