that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
