I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
