If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
