just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
