well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just forgot I was standing up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
