6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
