So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
