I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
