You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
