He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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