How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
