I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
