He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
