Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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