i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
