since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
