ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize