herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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