I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
